Loud
by AleinaReigning
Summary: Sequel to Silent- Azula and Zuko are no longer children. He is on the run from the girl he called sister. Their lives are full of rage and passion- perhaps that is why her silent struggle to control her demons isn't realized until it is far too late. R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**Here it is, the long awaited sequel to Silent- I hope it lives up to your expectations!**

Azula ran with hurried steps down the long, cold hall. Her breaths were even and controlled, and her mind was full of dark thoughts. The summon from her father had been entirely unexpected- was it something she had done during training? Did he regret teaching her to bend lightning?

So many things had changed since Zuko left. After their mother's disappearance, their uncle Iroh had given up his throne and left his brother in peace- still, he didn't fail to realize the hostility between the new Fire Prince and Ozai- the man truly hated the boy, he'd told her many times. And so he'd delegated the fallen general to the job of Zuko's sifu, whereas Azula got two teachers, Lo and Li- useless old windbags. They had already taught her all they could, and their attention to every single miniscule detail was maddening. It made her dream of growing long fangs and sprouting claws, of roaring her fury as golden armor encased her lithe, strong, raging body-

She stopped, dead in her tracks, and felt sweat gathering on the back of her neck. Azula's stomach rolled as her eyelids fluttered shut, and she swayed, falling against the wall as something deep inside her mind battered at the walls that held it- but no. She couldn't. It had been years, an eternity since she had let them speak to her, control her. She was stronger now. She didn't need them. The thought made her grit her teeth and stand up straight, pushing off the wall with an iron-clad heel and marching once more down the blackened hall, her steps echoing off the high ceilings and following her like a cloying mist.

The fifteen year old girl barely acknowledged the bows of the soldiers at the door, concentrating only on what she would be called for this time. The metal doors creaked open and she stepped inside, immediately dropping to one knee and staring at the stone ground. She felt the heat of the flames on the back of her neck and shuddered, trying not to noticeably flinch.

"Your brother has turned traitor to the nation. He has failed to capture the Avatar- it is time that I sent you to do the job, Azula." Her father's voice drifted down like a poisonous smoke, encasing her body and sending adrenaline coursing through her veins. She raised her head slowly and saw his dark silhouette behind the wall of fire.

"Yes, Fire Lord Ozai." she murmured, and stood up, bowing and sending a small jet of bluebell flames into the great fire to show her dedication, before turning on her heel and exiting the room. The air seemed cooler against her face now- she could feel the blood roiling beneath the surface of her skin, simmering away and evaporating under the weight of her new task. Her footsteps sounded against her skull as she ran back to her chambers, long hair flying in a black streak behind her, her pale features reminding her every day of the mother who left before she was ready.

Ready- she was now. She was prepared to set out, away from the shackles and bindings of palace life, away from the heartless father who showed his approval with bruises and more work. Every success was met with a thousand failures before he allowed her to succeed again. _It would be so much easier if I was more powerful, _she mused distractedly, _all I would have to do is release Them from the bonds and let their strength flow into-_ Warning bells screeched in her head, as forcefully as lava exploding from a volcano, and she grabbed her temples with a quiet shriek. _No, no, no! Stay in there! I control you, not the other way around- leave me alone!_ She struggled against her thoughts, clawing at the cage doors and locking them just in time to keep the madness under control. Something hissed wildly at her before it faded away, leaving only a sense of foreboding, of loathing.

Azula slumped against the wall once more, catching her breath and looking around wearily. For the past eight years she had avoided detection, she had become emotionless and made it impossible to distinguish when she was battling herself for dominance. The struggle had never stopped, and it was becoming harder and harder to contain Them, and even more difficult to hide her warring.

But this was her chance to get away. It could all end once she was away from her father. She could find Zuko and be successful as she was always meant to be. Azula smiled at the thought- _I can do this on my own_, she thought savagely, _I'll do it without your help._

She lifted her chin and straightened up, smoothing the strands of hair that framed her face, and resumed her walk back into her room. When Zuko had left, she had taken his quarters- they were larger and more open, and her servants had their own chamber set inside the room so that she could be attended to at all times. Not that she needed their help- the fools were simply there to pamper her, and she was there for them to admire and respect. It was simple, really.

"Lo! Li! Where are you?" she yelled when she entered the door, and immediately the two old women came around the curtain on her balcony. They bowed in sync and looked at her with patronizingly clever eyes. The back of her neck tingled and she clenched her jaw. They had no right to look at her as if she was imperfect. She was in control, not them.

"I have been granted the task of finding and capturing the Avatar, and killing my brother, the traitor Zuko." The words sent a shiver of anticipation through her, twisted by an emotion which she wouldn't name. "You must accompany me, and I assume that we shall leave as soon as possible. Is this clear?"

"Yes, my princess," they chorused, and she turned away, dismissing them as she called for the little servant girl to pack her clothes and weapons. "How will you find Zuko?" one of the women asked, and she hesitated for a fraction of a second. The feeling shot through her blood again, the name of it perched on her tongue even as she tried to swallow it back.

"I will follow the trail where it has left off, I'm sure that some vermin from the Northern Water Tribe must have seen him depart- and there are always paths to follow." The old women nodded and she waved them away as the servant brat hauled a bag of dirty linens from the room, scuttling away like a mouse caught in a trap. _Weakling, _she thought to herself, and once more pushed back at the memories of her ancient foes. They had haunted her briefly in her childhood, and she still had nightmares of their howling voices, their cursing screams. Even when most of her emotion had been locked away, most likely devoured by her constantly watched companions, she remembered her terror.

They had been right. She thought to herself_, I was a monster, no doubt, but I'd also been such a weakling. I had fought against them instead of accepting them, she had refused their power. It hurt them deeply and truly, in all honesty, if only she would just let us back in, let us free, we could make the girl so much more powerful. Please, Azula, let us out! PLEASE, AZULA, __**LET US OUT-**_

"NO!" she shouted, and suddenly pain shot through her spine, causing her muscles to clench, making her arms spasm and her teeth snap shut. She cried out in anguish, the sound ripping itself from her throat and sending fire from her lips, singeing the backs of her teeth. She felt the cage slip open, out of her control, and desperately reached for it.

She was too slow. A maniacal laugh echoed from within the small, impossibly dark confines, and she froze as They emerged as one. Her knees gave out and Azula sunk to the floor, failure washing over her even as the frantic need to succeed took hold of her entire body. Something horribly familiar wrenched her body upright- she had nothing to do with it; she was no longer the one who held the reins. _Foolish little darling, _Pon whispered is her raspy voice; _you should have known it was only a matter of time. _Shui slithered around his companion and brought two images to Azula's eyes- one of her as a child, her eyes scarlet with the demon's influence and her blue flames ripping through the air with such a force that she could practically feel the heat. The other was an image of how she had looked a second ago, fallen to her knees and weak.

She opened her mouth to speak, to drive them back into the cage, but Pon cautioned her to wait. _You remember how you imprisoned us within your emotions? Though they would have fed us, we have saved them especially for this moment. _She let out a great sigh from her curved beak as something built in Azula. _Ah, they return._

Happy sad anger rage hate jealousy sorrow pity pride disgust hate hate HATE _HATE-_ The feelings all swarmed over her and she jolted sickeningly, her eyes rolling at the overwhelming evil that was now laced through every emotion she had ever had, poisoned by the eight long years trapped with Pon and Shui. She lurched forward and retched, trying to empty herself as she was stuffed with old rotten feelings. "Stop," she gasped, and heard a soft laugh from Shui even as she felt something stroke the top of her head, pushing back the black silk strands that had fallen from the top knot. Pon clucked her tongue in a motherly way. _Come now, child, it's not so bad. We are finally reunited, mother and daughter- I know you've missed me._

Azula nodded, the pain subsiding as numbness once again reigned. It was all over. They were back.

**Hello again! So sorry that it took so long- things have been hectic in my life right now and I can only hope that you understand. Sorry! Thanks for reading, please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello! Read! Review! Please and thank you. And my goal for this is to get 60 reviews, so everything is appreciated. **

Azula caught her breath as she focused on the young man in front of her. Finally, after years of waiting, it was happening. He'd changed so much, his hair was a little longer and had been shaved other than the small square on the back of his head, which remained as a tribute to his banishment. Traditionally, heirs to the throne kept their hair long as a sign of wealth and power, but of course that would have changed when he was thrown out. And his scar… she hadn't seen it since before it had healed.

"Hello, brother, uncle." she drawled, and watched emotions flit across his ruined face. _Careful, child- he is suspicious._ Pon's warning drifted through her awareness like smoke, and the princess took a deep breath through her nose. The room was dark around them, and her legs ached to move- but no. she contained her energy and remained in her seat.

"What are you doing here?" Zuko growled, and her hand flitted across the shells on the table. Pon chuckled darkly in her head, and forced Azula to relinquish her mouth for the demon's own use. Azula listened as her voice baited Zuko- he had always been angry since their mother had left, there was no doubt that it had broken something deep inside him. Shui smiled at her in her mind-_ Sometimes thing which are broken are easier to manipulate,_ he sneered, and she suddenly saw a great deer-moose in her mind, its neck broken, its head swayed from side to side as great golden jaws clenched and unclenched, making the dead animal sway sickeningly. _I understand,_ she whispered to him, and he withdrew, letting her focus once again on the current reality.

She found herself standing not three feet away from her older brother, and felt Pon use her lips to form that old nickname- Zuzu, she called him. Once a term of endearment, now poisoned forever by everything that had separated them. "Don't call me that!" His voice was agonized, and without thinking she folded her arms and pinched the skin at her left wrist, the movement hidden. It brought such sweet relief from the pressure of the muted feelings, the things that Pon and Shui had taken from her. The sting faded minimally.

She took another deep breath and began to spin her web. The words wrapped around him, soft as silk and strong as steel. "Father regrets your banishment…" _As if it were even possible for someone so inhuman to feel remorse, _Pon muttered. Shui ignored her and watched nothing but Zuko's lack of reaction. He forced words from her mouth, his tone angry and abrasive. It did nothing to bring a finalization out of the young man, and Azula watched closely.

She wasn't prepared for the longing, the hesitation that she saw on his face. It was so tender, so hopeful- so wrong. _He's weak._ Shui spat, and Azula gasped quietly as pain lanced through her, something so foreign that it could only be the demon's hate for feeling. "I can see that you need time to take this in… I'll come to call on you tomorrow. Good evening." the words were barely out of her mouth before she began her fleeing to the door. She needed to get away from his hope, his idiotic gullibility was too much to handle.

Her departure was unexpected and short- in seconds, his younger sister was gone. After three years… she'd grown so much from her twelve year old self that it was hard to take in. Their childhood had been wrought with distrust and competition, so much that it had made him into a bitter young man. He knew that. But Azula was so much worse- she had always been the fiercer of the two, no doubt, but he knew exactly why she was that way. He hadn't been able to protect her from their father. He hadn't been able to stick around and save her from herself.

He could see it in the way she looked at him, in the way her golden eyes would turn inward- he could see the signs that she was warring with herself. But something else grabbed hold of his attention- something infinitely harder to believe. "He wants me home," Zuko murmured, and the words sent jolts of pleasure down his spine. Finally, after years of waiting. He could finally be home. The idea was tantalizing, returning home meant returning into his father's favor.

"I have never known my brother to regret anything," Iroh stated thoughtfully, and Zuko felt anger burn in his stomach. The joy of the moment faded, and he was brought back to these cheap stone walls, back to his constant shame in his banishment. The words he said next were furiously bitter. "You don't know how my father feels about me. You don't know anything!" Inside he raged at Iroh's weak attempts to comfort him- the old man had stolen his hope, and he was left only with a promise to prove him wrong.

"Zuko, I only meant that in our family, thing are not always what they seem." Zuko snorted with derision, sparks exploding from his fingertips in his anger.

"And I think you're exactly what you seem- a lazy, old, mistrustful man who's always been jealous of his brother." The words slipped out and poisoned the air, and suddenly the old man's face showed nothing but hurt and disappointment. It was too much for him- he needed to get out. Without another word, the fire bender turned on his heel and stalked into the cool night air, leaving his uncle standing frozen in the middle of the room, shutting his eyes against the night and curling in on himself.

Azula watched from the steps as the tiny dots became bigger and bigger, before morphing into the shapes of her newest prey. Shui howled in her head, far off but sharp as ever and Pon stroked the back of her neck, willing her to focus, not to slip up. She forced a serene smile onto her face. "Brother, Uncle- Welcome!" she cried, and noted silently the way that Zuko's face lit up. It was heartbreaking. Her next words caught in her throat, and her mouth twitched. _NO!_ Pon hissed, and suddenly, everything shut down.

Zuko saw the change before Azula began speaking once more. Her body had tensed underneath the armor, and her voice suddenly changed. It was like honey- smooth and sweet, but cloying, hard to swallow. "I'm so glad you've decided to come," she gushed, and the back of his neck tingled ominously, as if they were being watched. The captain asked her if they were ready to depart, and she nodded, smiling wider than before. Zuko was halfway up the gangway now with Uncle Iroh at his side, eager for the journey to start. He would show the old man what it meant to be a family- he would once again be the respected Prince of the Fire Nation.

"Set our course for home!" Pon cried through Azula's mouth. She was only dimly aware of herself, of the demon who was wearing her body like a second skin. She kept Shui company in the back of her mind, the great dragon's growl resounding through her senses and making her skin crawl. She hadn't noticed how powerful they had gotten. Pon had never been able to push her away like this, and Shui seemed closer than ever, well and truly bound within her skin.

"You heard the princess, raise the anchors! We're taking the prisoners home!" Zuko froze at the word- no, it couldn't be true. He looked up to Azula, and what he saw made his blood run cold. Her eyes were no longer the hue of wrought metal, they were a deep scarlet, like blood. Her teeth closed together, her hands turned to claws as every muscle in her body tensed at the captain's great mistake. This wasn't his sister. This was evil at its purest.

There was a sudden commotion behind him, and he heard groans of pain as Iroh effectively took out five soldiers. Zuko exploded forward towards the monster. "You lied to me!" he roared, and Azula's face twisted into a smirk. This couldn't be the girl he grew up with. It wasn't possible. _No._ He blasted forward, taking the guards by surprise as his sister turned away. With two quick blasts they were unconscious on the ground, their armor singed and smoking. He attacked the beast with a fire dagger in each hand, wielding them against her bare hands. She did nothing but deflect his attacks, not even needing to resort to her flames.

_Ah, yes!_ Pon cackled inside her head, and Azula shuddered- the bird was using her body as her own, it was sick how weak she was inside herself. "You know, Father blames Uncle for the loss of the North Pole, and he considers you a miserable failure for not finding the Avatar!" she hissed, and Azula screamed inside her head as Shui joined the bird in her laughter- Zuko was broken, torn apart by her words, and it was all her fault. _No! Let me out! LET ME OUT!_ She cried, but it was useless. "Why would he want you back home? Except to lock you up where you can no longer embarrass him!" Pon was unrelenting, seeking out every weakness in his eyes and magnifying it. She got what she wanted. With a wordless shriek of rage, he attacked again.

Pon relished the challenge, the feel of real flesh and blood flowing through her soul. She used her claws to mark Zuko's forehead, she toyed with him and finally sent a blade of blue flames through the air to set him off guard. Azula struggled for control, but in no time at all Shui coiled around her, locking her mind in place as Pon used her body. Unbelievable electricity scorched her fingers as the demon called lightning forth, and Azula screamed in rage as the bird took what had been her job to bear.

Suddenly, her deadly fingers were incased by a rough, crushing hand, and she gasped as Pon lost control of that entire arm. Uncle turned away and sent the light directly into the Cliffside, breaking great chunks of rock from the mountain and sending them tumbling. Shui left Azula to attack the man, but quickly, too quickly to resist, she felt his grip force her from the ground and send her flying through the air.

The water hit her body like a brick wall, and she gasped at the feeling that flowed back into her control as Pon retreated to the warmth of her mind. Bad idea. Water rushed into her lungs, and she choked on it, breaking through the horror to push her legs and swim up, back into the atmosphere. The air burned her throat as she gagged, forcing the briny liquid back up through her mouth as she struggled against the tide for land. _I will take away your escape for what you have done here today,_ Pon promised the distant figures of her enemies, and Azula reached the shore just in time to pass out from exertion, finally free of the demons if only for a while.

"I believe we are safe her for now." Iroh panted, and Zuko collapsed beside him near the stream. They had fled into the mountains, far from the Fire Nation colony they'd been housed in, and left Azula far behind them. Pain was a constant irritation in his heart, and he spat bitterly on the ground before him. _Moron, you should have known_, he berated himself. He wordlessly pulled a knife from its sheath at his side, and felt for the bindings surrounding his ponytail. In one swift stroke, he severed his connection with the Fire Nation, and watched his banishment float down the stream. Iroh's own grey hair followed it, and the two sat still and speculative for a long time after they had lost sight of their past.

**Roses are red**

**Violets are blue(s)**

**Fanfiction's nice**

**and so are reviews!**

**Hmm. Maybe I should try to revise that a little later. What do you think, folks? review this and tell me who to focus on in the next chapter, Azula or Zuko. Anything you're hoping for? Tell me!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Once again, I have completely let you guys down with the updating thing. All I can say is that I am very very very very very very very very very very veryveryveryVERYVERYVERYVERY sorry. My bad. **

**Well, on a happier note, here's chapter three!**

Agony ripped through her body as a scream forced its way out of her mouth. "NO!" she shrieked, and something shot through her system, making her muscles tense, forcing her back to arch off her bed sickeningly. Ty Lee stood silently as Mai tried to hold the princess down. Her golden eyes were rolled back in her head, and Azula's rich black hair looked like shining snakes in the dim, flickering light. She shook her head frantically as the blood red lips opened in a silent scream, and then Ty Lee darted forward, slamming her fingertips into the soft tissue of her collarbone, and once more along the base of her spine.

"No," she whimpered, but her body went limp, and Pon and Shui withdrew from her limbs, driven back by the blocked feeling. _You weakling. It was just a test to see how far we could push you. To see how much pain we could take in your human form. If this rat had stopped when I told her to, you wouldn't have had to struggle so much. _Shui said, and Pon reared up at the accusation. Something red and dangerous flashed in Azula's eyes, and Mai gasped, taking a step back and dragging Ty Lee with her. The acrobat trembled at the sight of their friend and mistress falling apart before them.

"Please, Azula, come back!" she begged, her brown braid swinging slightly as she took a step forward. Mai dug senbon needles into her clothes to keep her back. "Let me go! We need to help her like when we were younger!" she cried, and Mai gritted her teeth at the memory.

"Stop it, you idiot, can't you see that it's gotten worse?" Mai scoffed, and Azula had a brief moment to wonder at the comment before her demon's fight pulled her back under. _Me, a rat? HOW DARE YOU! You useless rotting piece of filth, I am trying to make her stronger, make her more aware of her limits- you are holding us back! Sentimental fool, _Pon jeered, and abruptly her tone became coaxing and coddling as she addressed Azula. _Ssh, darling, don't be scared. Mommy is here to make the pain go away. _Azula felt scaly claws encircling her arms in a mocking embrace, and she nodded, hiding her horror. _You're crazy. _Shui growled, _I am not sentimental. I am logical. You are willing to destroy this host in order to find out just how far you can push her. She is a human, and our strength is agony to her. You are willing to kill her, and yet you treat her as if she is your young. _Azula cringed away from the simmering rage in his voice, and wondered at the argument he made. It was as if he was protecting her from Pon- but no, that was silly, darling, because Pon was Mother and Mother never leaves her offspring, she feeds them and holds them tight and never lets them leave the nest, squeezes so tight that she snaps their neck and oh, the pain, the pain, she threw herself off the tree and did not attempt to fly- Death was glorious in it's pain, but it never faded, nor did the need to care for something, to mother, Mother, MOTHER-

"Agni," she gasped, and sat straight up, crying out hoarsely. Her eyes opened, and immediately the girls were beside her, trying to take care of her when that job belonged to Pon and no one else. "Leave me," she hissed, and they obeyed, casting frightened glances behind them as they left. The metal door clanged as a tribute to their departure, and she dragged herself off the bed and to the writing desk, picking up the brush and dipping it in ink black as night.

**I know why Pon is here now. She was a great mythical bird, I've always known that. But she loved her offspring too much, and wound up smothering them. She snapped their necks and then tried to kill herself, but something went wrong. She didn't die all the way- just moved into limbo, and became a demon. But them how is she connected to Shui? How can she be herself, yet still his bird form?** The words leered up at her, and the questions made her head pound. Pon was quiet in her mind for once- the loud mouth never shut up unless it was beneficial to her. She felt something familiar brush against the edges of her mind, and closed her eyes, delving deep into the memory.

_I'm standing quietly at the entrance to his room. I was a foolish child- never loud enough for anyone to notice what was going on in my mind. I can hear Father and Mother shouting down the hall. I can still feel the imprint of his fist on my side. His hands are so much bigger than mine- that's fitting, considering I'm only half his size. But the one in the bed seems similar to me- on the outside at least. We have the same midnight in our hair, our eyes are the resting places of golden beasts- and yet for some reason, I can just tell that his eyes are purely from his own mind, that he doesn't hear the whispers in my head. _

_Suddenly, Zuko sits up. His eyes are wide open, trying to compensate for the darkness I am shrouded in. "Hey Azu, what do you want?" he asks me, and when I don't answer, he asks me again. I can see how impatient he is, and I can understand why. This exchange was nothing new, but I'd sworn to myself that this time would be different. I would get help because I needed him, because the world scared me. __**Well, tell him if you're going to tell him,**__ someone whispered, and I nodded. Now._

"_Stupid baby. Why don't you go get Father, maybe he wants to get woken up by you in the middle of the night." His voice cuts into me, and for just a moment, the internal pain is overwhelming. Something laughs in my mind, and I pinch my skin to make the sound go away. Suddenly Zuko is slapping my hand away, and asking me why I do it. I can't tell him, after all. It's too bad, too strange. And what if he told Father?_

_I shuddered as a sound came from outside the room. It was almost like the voice in my head, except further away. But wait- I couldn't tell him, but maybe I could show him what it was like. I turned around and left the room, and hear him following me. We walk to the outer chamber of our parents' room, and I know we can hear them. They yell at each other, my brother turns to look at me. And when I speak next, I know he thinks that I'm talking about what he hears, and not what is mirrored in my own mind, by my own voices. _

"_They think I'm a monster."_

"They were right," she murmured, and smiled slightly to herself. It was something Pon had made her see over and over again in her mind, the moment of weakness during which she leaned on Zuko and not demon mother. Pon had hated them, Mai, Ty Lee, Ursa, even Zuko and Uncle. All because they at one point or another, tried to take her job.

_You understand why, of course. I had children of my own- yes, I loved them. But they were too weak for what I gave them, and I needed to know that I could really care for someone who was strong enough for it. _Pon's voice drifted casually through her mind, and scaly claws smoothed the hair at the back of her neck. _That's why I chose Shui when he was born. He was all alone, his former mother slaughtered by your people's ancestors. He needed me. _

Azula's head reeled as she took it in. Shui had dealt with the voices too? His awareness came forward and agreed, grudgingly. Pon faded back, and the dragon took her place. _Pon was the first thing I was aware of in this world. She dragged my body to food, she nourished me on the blood of others. I grew strong, bonded with her. It was her idea to take on Zahdi, the slayer. It got me killed. When I passed over, she ripped herself apart from me- the pain of dying twice was too much, and she grew cowardly under the influence of eternity. Without her, it was as if my soul had been split. I wasn't complete, so I couldn't move on. _

_But she found me again, and I finally saw her in her true form. Terrifying, enough to make me weak enough for her to once again bond to me. And together we stayed until we found you. _Her eyes widened as the dragon showed her his size, placing them side by side in an image in her head. _A dragon's spirit should never be housed by a human, nor should a great Bird's soul control you. But Pon decided it, and it shall be._

"Are you saying you didn't want to be here?" He growled at the question. _Didn't you ever notice that Pon was always the one to make the decisions? She is as old as the sky, an ancient being who is merely passing through us to something bigger. No matter how she claims to love you, she will leave you in your death._

"No." _Yes. Just like me. _"But I don't want to stay after in this world. No. I will not allow it!" Her voice became throaty and commanding, and Shui did something strange- he withdrew minimally, and it was like a weight had been lifted. She reveled in the empty space in her mind before he came gradually back. "Thank you," Azula muttered, and he nodded his great head. _There is no choice for you, child. But I will be here after it ends, for maybe if we stay together, you can be my ticket into the afterlife, and I can be your guide, already having navigated the lands in between._

Azula nodded half-heartedly and laid down as Shui retreated once more. Pon came back briefly, croaking out a murmured lullaby that sent shivers down her spine. _I should have told someone before it got to this point,_ she mused, and felt Pon's annoyance. She sighed. _Goodnight, Mother._

_Goodnight, my chick._

**Thanks for reading, please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys, sorry I haven't updated in a while- there's a lot of school work I'm doing, a lot of family things I've been dealing with, and hey, a girl's gotta sleep sometime! I've been focusing mainly on Azula. She fascinates me, and I love writing for her. But Zuko is like her counter part in this story, so they need equal coverage. I want to show him growing. Next chapter will be a corrolation between him and his sister- maybe they'll have more in common than they initially thought. Enjoy reading, and please remember to review, favorite, and add to your story or author alerts! If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, let me know- I'll answer them in my next author's note, or in the chapter itself! Thanks!**

The mask was cool and smooth beneath his fingers, and his blades were sharp. The room was silent, and he held his breath as he slipped the Blue Spirit on, feeling the flame in his chest simmer down into a hard knot of light. His senses expanded as he slipped the Dao swords out of their sheath, testing the balance and flexibility. They were nothing more than extensions of his arms, lethally siphoned into an almost invisible edge that could cut steel in half.

"Zuko." The voice made him jump; no matter how silent he was, no matter how sharp his senses were, Uncle was sharper and more silent. "What are you doing?" The young man turned around and stared passively at the old man. He watched Iroh's eyes widen as he took in the leering grin of the mask, as his gaze traveled to the lengthy swords clutched firmly in his hands. "Zuko, no. We have a good life for us here- why must you change that with your misguided quest?"

Anger boiled beneath the surface of the mask, beneath his skin, but he added it to the light inside of him and felt the heat intensify- there were no flames shooting from his fingers, no ash polluting the air around him. "This is not misguided. If I find the bison, I find the Avatar. This is my destiny." The detached voice came from his lips, reminding him horribly of Azula- he still remembered the dissociation she'd shown on so many occasions, the curious way she moved and spoke when she wasn't herself- he could also remember how she'd hurt herself just to make it stop. _No, Zuko, you are nothing like her._ The thought was calming, but he was still uneasy. He looked into the night sky, noticing the full moon. It was late already, and he still needed to put his plan into action before he could get anything accomplished. The city of Ba Sing Se was quiet tonight, and with any luck, he'd find an inexperienced soldier on patrol instead of a master earth bender- he could only do so much with his blades. "Uncle, you can try to stop me but I will not rest until I accomplish this. I'm sorry if you feel that this is not wise, but it is something I need to do." With those last words, he turned on his heel, sheathed the Dao swords and leaped out of the window, landing mutely on the balls of his feet. He waited a moment, but heard nothing from above him. He took that as his Uncle's consent and faded into the shadows, waiting for his chance.

"Out of my way, Skinny," he snapped, and slammed into the Dai Li agent from behind- he heard the man grunt, and skidded into the alley, noting the figure he'd set up at the end, then grabbing hold of the edge of the roof and swinging himself up agilely. He didn't have time to catch his breath before the earth bender attacked the doll at the end of the alley, and he jumped down and swung his swords forward until the man was trapped within the edges of the blades. He took a breath, then started backing up, dragging the man with him. "If you don't want to end up like him," he growled, gesturing to the demolished dummy that lay beheaded on the ground, "you'll do exactly as I say."

It was another half hour before the man broke and told him everything; about the secret passageway under Lake Laogi, the location of the air bison. In another fifteen minutes he was there, climbing down into the tunnels after the earth bender, knocking him on the head with the butt of his sword and pulling him into a corner. The man's head lolled sickeningly, and regret flashed in him, hot and putrid. It was almost enough to make him discard the mask, almost enough to force him to turn around and go back to Uncle. But he'd been trained until his fingers scarred. He'd been taught that the most unforgivable weakness was giving up, and that the last time he'd given up, he'd been slashed across the face with white-hot fire.

Unwanted thoughts plagued him as he stalked down the halls and opened the door. He heard the great beast moan, and for just a moment, he admired the creature- it was huge and strong like a bull, but something about it spoke of wisdom and kindness. In a way, it reminded him of his uncle. "Expecting someone else?" he muttered, and in reply the bison growled and stomped its chained feet violently. "You're mine now." A sound echoed from behind him, and Zuko whipped around with the blades up, ready to defend himself- but the figure at the door was none other than Uncle.

"What are you doing here?" he hissed, and the mask clattered to the floor as Iroh stepped forward and began to speak of his failures, of his destiny. The anger that had been a cool, concentrated light in the hold of the Blue Spirit was now a raging inferno in his blood. How could he speak of planning? How could he accuse him of never thinking things through? He'd gotten this far, hadn't he? The beast was right in front of him, watching the fight with intelligent eyes.

"It's time you started to look into yourself, and ask yourself questions!" Iroh shouted. "Who are you? And what do _you_ want?" Zuko roared in frustration, slamming his blades onto the ground, turning his back on the annoyingly perceptive gaze of the Avatar's bison, closing his eyes to the words of the only person in the world that he trusted. The sound echoed around him, shattering the image in his skull and breaking apart the peace he had lived with. He could see it all now, it wasn't peace at all- it was rage and fear acting as a shield, blocking him from seeing that he just didn't want to do this anymore.

So he did the worst thing that could be done, and the best thing he'd ever done. With one swift movement, he took up the swords in his hands and slashed them through the air, slamming them into the chains at the feet of the animal and breaking the links into miniscule pieces. The creature roared and tried to move away, but he leaped forward, savagely swiping at the manacles until they laid in little rusty piles at his feet. The bison stopped moving and looked deep into Zuko's eyes, and for just a moment he felt like he was being judged, like the scar on his face had elicited some deeper query and the bison was searching for answers in his soul.

Then, the moment broke and the animal lifted off, crashing through the ceiling. He felt himself being yanked roughly back from the falling debris, and ran with his uncle through the rumbling caverns. He could hear a commotion outside, and when they got to the ladder, they stopped and waited, hearing anguished yells from the Dai Li as they were catapulted into the water- the noise faded and he pulled himself out of the hole and into the sunlight. He looked around, and felt the heat of the sun on the top of his head, warming his body through the clothes he wore until there was only one part of him that was still cold and unfeeling. He lifted his hands from his sides and stared into the empty face of the mask, then threw it into the water and watched as it sunk from his view, as he clenched his hands into fists and left the last remnant of his colder past behind.

"I am so proud of you," Iroh said gently, and Zuko nodded absently.

"Let's go home." The walk was silent, and he found himself thinking of how everything in his life had led up to this point. There were those years of childhood, so confusing and warped in his mind- the sweet memory of his mother, marred by his discovery of Ozai's abusive, controlling demeanor. He worried about his little sister, but the rivalry had grown into something uncontrollable between them. And then there was that slight hint of madness in Azula's eyes, and the way Father had treated her- always putting all the effort into her, never giving him a second glance. Something told him that if she had spoken out of turn instead of him, she would still be on his right hand, and he would still be banished and scarred. There was a reason he was no longer home. There was a reason why what was left of his family sickened him. He was not one of them, no matter how hard he tried.

The realization made him dizzy, and he stumbled a few steps. Iroh didn't notice, and he shook his head, trying to get rid of the sudden weariness that consumed him. They turned onto their street, and he took the steps two at a time- the world around him was getting smaller and smaller, and the flame that had always sustained him was weaker than it had ever been.

"I am… so proud… of you…" His uncle's voice came from far away, and he dropped the heavy swords as soon as he got in the door. There was a buzzing coming from his fingers, from the top of his head, and he felt his skull, trying to see if there was anything there. The soft texture of his hair was strange to him. The thoughts that had rolled around in his head suddenly intensified, shouting at him from within his mind. _I don't feel good. No. make it stop. I didn't ask for this. Help. _He mumbled something as the world tipped crazily, and he tried to catch himself on the table. A shout forced itself from his uncles lungs, but he was already far away. Zuko slumped to the ground, knowing nothing of the life around him as he sunk into a deep sleep full of nightmares.

**You like _Loud_, I like you, so write me a big review! Haha. I rhymed. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and if you like my writing style, I'd suggest that you go to my little bio page and check out my other stories! Oh, and if you have any pairings that you want to happen in this story, let me know and I'll definitely consider them. Thanks for reading!**


	5. Chapter 5

**This is a little shorter, but I still really like it. The next chapter, there's going to be a time skip- we're moving past the rest of the Ba Sing Se arc until right to the end of Crossroads of Destiny. I hope you enjoy this chapter! Remember to review and tell me what you think. **

Dragons surrounded them. They could feel the burning scales rubbing against their sides, they could see the feline eyes widening in spite and narrowing in cleverness. Steam hissed around them, and they stepped back, terrified. Howls shattered the night as the great beasts swirled into one dizzying array of flashing colors. A burst of fire exploded in their faces, and they screamed, wrenched upright by the terror.

The only difference is that one of them could wake up, and the other one could never escape.

Zuko groaned in pain and rose up off the mattress- so hot, everything was _burning_ inside him, the flame in his soul devouring everything he'd ever known. His eyes were closed tight, but he could still see. There was Mother, screaming for help as she left a trail of white ash through his mind. _Wait for me- take me with you!_ His voice echoed back at him, coming from all sides as she disappeared. There was a movement right behind him and he spun in the darkness, seeing a small girl with jet-black hair crouched in a little ball, her hands over her ears. His eyes widened- _Azula?_

"No, make her stop, she's hurting me, killing me, please Zuko, help me!" she screeched, and he reached towards her blindly. _I will, Azula, I'll make them leave, I'll bring you back! _His feet sank into the blackness and he couldn't move, couldn't dodge the great bird that suddenly erupted from Azula's small body and beat her great wings in rage. _YOU CANNOT TEAR HER AWAY FROM ME! I will tear you apart and feast on your flesh before I let her escape me! _The beast's eyes flashed blood red and Zuko roared in fury, a great flame building in his hand- but the winged demon flashed gold and transformed into Azula as he'd never seen her before, small and weak and dying. "No, Zuko, you can't kill her- kill me instead, release me!" she begged, and then screamed in agony. He fell back as she writhed on the ground, helpless and terrified as a great golden dragon rose from her mouth and blasted the darkness with a jet of blue flames. _Silence!_ it thundered, then turned its sharp eyes to Zuko. _I cannot leave her until you protect her- the bird would kill her before she had the chance to escape if I were not holding her back. Save your sister, Fire Prince Zuko._ Azula inhaled and the dragon became smoke, sucked into her body as a similar red mist pulled it in. She stood, her eyes closed and her face strangely blank. A small trickle of red liquid fell from the corner of her mouth, but her cheeks were flushed and feverish.

She smiled, no longer the weak little girl he'd seen moments ago, begging for death. She was strong and cunning, lithe and perfectly cruel as she'd grown up to be.

Her eyes opened and shone blood red in the blackness.

His eyes shot open and he wrenched himself up, a shout still building on his lips. The light room was disorienting, the subdued colors seeming like the dream instead of the ferociously colored vivid dream. His right hand was stretched out in front of him, reaching towards someone he could no longer see- who was it, again? Someone important- someone who was lost and needed him. Mother? He groaned, frustrated, falling back and shivering in the cool night breeze. The world was calm and serene tonight, the air was healthy and light. He knew the fever had broken, and something inside had been released- a purpose, yet it was still hidden and undefined. Zuko closed his eyes and traced his scar as sleep once more claimed him, and the only uneasiness in his mind stemmed from the confusion over who it was that he'd needed to save.

Then again, it was only a dream.

Azula keened and wrenched upwards, panting and glancing around furtively. The dream had been full of her weakness, and she had tried so hard to keep it together before her weakness had broken and called out to that idiot boy for help. But it had only been a dream- she was still completely in control when her body woke. Mai and Ty Lee were still sleeping peacefully on the sumptuous beds the foolish Earth King had provided them with, ignorant of her pain, of the pounding in her head. Stupid girls. They claimed to care for her, but they never would. They were only mortals, and their love would die with them, would bleed out of their bodies as their souls departed. No, she didn't need them, except as pawns, for she had the love of something far more valuable, something eternal. When they could no longer be used, they would be finished off, crunched between her jaws and snapped to bits by the pressure. She smiled toothily and giggled in the silence of the room, delighted with the image. Shui snarled in her mind, and she held a finger to her lips. _Hush now, child._

Something weak and shameful cried in the back of her mind, and she ignored it. Only the weaklings pleaded with her, and only them did she despise above all else. When she had her day (for yes, it was coming) they would all suffocate beneath her strength until she was the only one left. Then she could cradle the bodies and remember when she'd last truly held something dead and precious in her arms. For only when they were dead would they never struggle against her again.

Her weakness became frustrated, and pounded at her, screaming _let me out, let me out now!_ but she merely laughed and examined her nails, delighting in her superiority. "You really thought I would let you win?" she mused, and did not even stir when the doors slammed open. Two of the filthy mud dwellers came in and grabbed her arms, their hands gloriously tight. The challenge almost made her laugh like a naughty child, but she didn't, for in this game, she had to be quiet, had to wait. She turned the smile into a grimace and struggled violently. Mai and Ty Lee woke up and played their part well, whipping the silly fans out and being hurled to the ground and trapped. She sent them a disparaging look over her shoulder- _I can act better than you._ The idiot girls took it as approval and nodded- what silly little fools were they, to not recognize the moment their inferiority was mocked.

_When are you going to realize that you don't matter? _she thought, and a scream of laughter bubbled up in her chest, right beneath her skin, behind her lips. But no, if you laugh, you lose! She nodded, then withdrew into her mind. There was Shui, moody and disgusted, barring her from he baby. She snarled threateningly and he faded away without a fight, granting her access to her little girl, her only weakness. The human snapped at her and clawed at her hold, looking for an opening, but she could find no weak link in her armor. _You could always try to dispose of yourself to get rid of my weakness,_ Pon mused, and Azula shrieked at her wordlessly, rattling the bars of her cage. She was too selfish to do that though- look how much effort it had taken to teach her to share her mind! And her body. _I'll be going now, my little pet. Give me back your name, and I'll keep it safe for you until I return._ The rebellious girl refused, and her mothering instincts took over. Soon, the weakness was parted with her last bit of control, and Pon took on her other self.

Azula came back out into reality as her eyes flashed a muted red, and she reveled in the challenge ahead. A small giggle slipped past her control, and she turned it into a little angry huff. _That's it, pretending is the best!_ she decided, and her lips curled upwards as the Dai Li took her to meet their leader, as her newest plot was forced into action.

_Isn't this game fun?_

**Review please. Thanks for reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry I haven't updated in forever, guys. There's no excuse for leaving you guys hanging like that, and I feel really bad about it. But hopefully there's still some people who read this, and if you want to leave a review, I'd be honored. Thank you so much!**

"How dare you!" Zuko watched helplessly as the Water Tribe girl broke down and began to cry. "You have no idea what this war has put me through- me personally!" The green crystals around them gave her tears a sparkling luminosity, and he couldn't look away from a girl who had once been his enemy. "The Fire Nation took my mother away from me," she said harshly, and hid her face in her hands.

Zuko closed his eyes, remembering the last time he saw his mother- she had been so afraid that night, and he had done nothing to make her stay, to keep her safe. He missed her, and he wanted her home. It had been her departure that sparked Azula's strange detachment, and he clenched his jaw, knowing that his father would have never scarred him if Ursa had been there. "I'm sorry. That's something we have in common," he murmured, and that seemed to be the right thing to say. The girl, Katara, got up and moved towards him.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you before. It's just that… for so long now, whenever I would imagine the face of the enemy, it was your face." He subconsciously felt his scar and turned away, needing no reminder about what people saw when they looked at him with disgust. She apologized, but he shook his head, trying to explain about how his scar no longer marked him as a traitor, how it was just something he couldn't ever be rid of.

Her offer to help surprised him, and for a moment, he imagined what he'd look like without the angry red skin. For just a second, he imagined life without the terrified glances, without the judgment. A flash of an image invaded his brain, along with a shallow desire to be handsome.

And then, the moment was gone, turned into a memory by the arrival of his uncle and the Avatar. He glared at the boy, his fingers itching, sparks building in his palms. Iroh threw his arms around him, and for just a moment, anger flared up inside him and he moved away. He froze- that was something Azula would do. Zuko sighed and stepped into the hug, still glaring over the old man's shoulder at the boy who was enveloped by Katara's arms.

"Uncle, I don't understand," he muttered roughly, stepping back again. "What are you doing with the Avatar?" Iroh opened his mouth to speak, but the boy, Aang, cut in, his voice dripping with venom.

"Saving you, that's what." _Bratty little kid,_ his mind spat, and he lunged forward, ignoring Iroh's attempts to restrain him. The kid backed away, Katara moving with him, her eyes fearful, regretful. He stood up straight as Iroh told them to leave, and avoided her water-like gaze. He should have known that he couldn't be free of his scar, of the shadows that poisoned him.

"Why, Uncle?" he asked, his voice tired, his posture sagging. All he wanted to do was go home, lay down and sleep- but he didn't know where home was. It could be the palace in the heart of the Fire Nation, or it could be the small flat above Iroh's teashop. He didn't know anymore. Iroh started talking, voicing the thoughts that had been swirling around in his head for ages now- he wasn't the same boy who had set out to capture the Avatar- but he'd been that person for so long- how in Agni's name was he supposed to come back from that?

A sudden blast filled the air, and he watched as green crystals shot up from the ground, encasing Iroh and setting Zuko on edge. He stared hard into the hole the bending had come from, seeing two Dai Li soldiers crashing forward towards him. He raised his arms, ready to fight them, and then stopped as he saw another, smaller figure come over the hill with them.

It was Azula. She was dressed in unfamiliar Earth Kingdom garb, but her cool voice and perfect demeanor were unforgettable. A thousand memories cropped up from when they were younger, and the time since- he saw perfection in her bending stances, and the rewards she reaped from it- bruises and unforgiving systems that had made her strong, unbreakable.

"I expected this sort of treachery from Uncle, but Zuko- _Prince_ Zuko- you're a lot of things, but you're not a traitor, are you?" He gritted his teeth at her tone of voice- he could tell it wasn't her speaking. Her eyes were filmy and muted, and derision saturated her words. He wanted to leap forward and tear the stranger from her gaze, but something held him back- a half-remembered dream. There was a flash of something alien in his mind, and he heard a deep, fearsome growl. _Wait. They are entwined- kill one and you kill the other._ He fought against the presence, taking a step back and tensing his muscles, trying to expel the thing from his head. Even as he did so, he saw something strange happen to his sister. Her body sagged minimally, and then as he tensed, she inhaled sharply, and her eyes flashed brighter. It took only a second for her gaze to return to the dull, clever quality it had been moments before, but something inside him was sensitive now to the voice he'd felt- no, heard.

He turned towards his uncle as the man gasped, his eyes narrowing. Azula didn't seem to notice, which was immediately a warning sign that something was wrong- she would never have ignored that on her own. Rage built in Zuko's stomach, but for once, his temper was not visible from the outside. It was as if there was a chain around his bending, a golden string that wouldn't break. _You need to play along…_ something whispered, and he let his shoulders sag. "Release him immediately!" he shouted, glaring at his sister and noting the hardening planes of her face- already she looked too old for her body, too ancient to be fifteen.

Pon whispered from her lips, enticing and sweet. "It's not too late for you, Zuko. You can still redeem yourself." Shui was flickering back and forth in her mind, looking for the host, perhaps. He wouldn't find her- she had her chick locked up nice and tight, safe and sound. She almost chuckled as she felt her companion bare his teeth at her, then quieted him unconsciously. The human boy didn't suspect a thing- how could he, when he was dealing with an Ancient One? She was special, otherworldly. There was no way he could see through her plans, even if he knew his sister. He wouldn't recognize her, because it was not little Azula who was planning this- it was her, Pon, and her plan was impervious. She went back to her task, noticing the boy's slumped shoulders and telltale gaze. His emotions were laid out in front of her for her to peruse, and he didn't even know it.

"The kind of redemption she offers is not for you!" Iroh cried, and he turned around, looking straight into his uncle's eyes. He was afraid, something that he'd thought was impossible- but it just showed that Iroh was thinking the same things as Zuko. Iroh's words were full of meaning, and the thing in the back of Zuko's mind recognized that- it approved, growling low, almost purring.

"Why don't you let him decide, Uncle?" Pon spat scathingly, tired of the stupid man's interference. Shui returned to the front of her mind, guarded and wary. _Where is the girl?_ he inquired, and she batted him away, ignoring the request. He roared, furious, and went to look for the little weakling in the darkness. Pon smirked and went back to convincing the boy. "I need you, Zuko," she murmured, letting her head droop dejectedly. He leaned forward; enticed by the weakness she was showing- foolish boy. "I've plotted every move of this day- this glorious day in Fire Nation history, and the only way we win is together." He backed off into a guarded stance, and she resisted the urge to smile toothily at him. He loved his nation, and he longed to be with his sister, as part of the action- his emotions were written out on his face.

Zuko felt strange, as if something other than his mind was controlling his actions. He could move freely and speak freely, but awareness was lightly cautioning his every breath, gently manipulating him into something as clever as his sister- or at least as whatever was controlling her. He remembered watching her eyes flash crimson, and panicked for a second, wondering if his own eyes gave him away. He turned to his uncle, searching for anything out of the norm on his face, but Iroh showed only fear and concern, not the shock that would have surely been present. He turned back to Azula.

"At the end of this day, you will have your honor back- you will have Father's love!" Pon felt her little girl stir tiredly at that statement, and shushed her. She was so weak, so adverse to the idea of using her brother's weaknesses against him. Silly girl- that's how to win. She continued to bait the boy. "You will have everything you want!" Her voice lowered to a hiss.

"Zuko, I am begging you. Look into your heart and see what it is that you truly want." Zuko lowered his head at Iroh's words, fighting the presence's hold on his emotions, trying to think of a way out. All at once, the dam broke, and he saw Azula in his mind's eye, fading quickly as something evil bloomed in her place. He remembered the dream, and he suddenly knew exactly what the presence in his mind was. Shui the dragon, having named himself, stood before him, majestic and mighty, staring into him with golden eyes. _I cannot leave her until you protect her- the bird would kill her before she had the chance to escape if I were not holding her back. Save your sister, Fire Prince Zuko. _The words echoed around hollowly in his head, and a burst of clarity revealed everything to him.

When he opened his eyes, the world was plainer and simpler than ever before, and his purpose was finally clear to him. Azula's eyes were foreign and masked, and there was no longer a visible struggle behind them- only the triumph of a monster.

"You're free to choose," she said, and the Dai Li agents propelled themselves backwards, out of view. She walked forward, past Uncle and Zuko, down into a dark cave until she disappeared.

"Zuko." Iroh's voice was short and hurried, and he whirled around, striding strongly to the old man, trying to break the crystals that imprisoned him. "No, do not waste time with my bonds- your sister has been taken over by something, and you-"

"I know, Uncle, I saw. And Shui came to me- I don't know how to describe it. I thought my path was clear!" he yelled, frustrated. Iroh nodded his head thoughtfully.

"Until I saw the madness in Azula's eyes, the animalistic movements, I did not believe that whatever haunted her as a child was leading her now. But that is not so, apparently, and she needs to be free before you can save her." Zuko froze, staring into his eyes with horror. Iroh smiled grimly, shaking his head. "Yes, I knew that something was wrong with her as a little girl. Your father may have missed the small marks from her self-injury and the dissociation in her gaze, but it was very much clear to me. One of my largest regrets is that I was too wrapped up in my own life to help her. I fear it may be too late."

There was a moment of silence, and Zuko pushed his hair away from his scar, remembering the vivid red of a monster in his little sister's eyes. He remembered the dream Azula, how she had begged for death, for merciful release. Then he imagined the pain of what she was going through, and he sighed.

"There is no time to lose, then."

Somewhere, deep in the recesses of her mind, Azula waited and watched the comings and goings of her monsters, her demons. Pon was always there, guarding her and using her to convince Zuko, and whenever his face showed hope or pain, it hit her like a blast of lightning and caused agony to ripple through her. She objected every time Pon pulled a memory from her, but the bird just laughed and shushed her like a mother patronizing her child.

And then, Shui came. He'd been outside, she could tell immediately- he smelled of air and something human, and he brought feeling to her as his golden scales brushed her skin. She whimpered and moved away, but he pulled her closer effortlessly. When he touched her, she gasped, thinking for just a moment that he'd freed her- but then she realized she was just in a different place. Zuko's mind.

_I helped him fool Pon, _Shui told her silently, _he knows what he must do._

Azula nodded. "Thank you," she whispered, her first words in what seemed like forever.

**Again, my deepest apologies. This chapter isn't very good, but I'm hoping you still like it. Please review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Wow, this is a quick update, but sort of a short chapter. Sorry, but I really didn't have anything else planned for this specific event. Oh, well. Enjoy!**

Zuko stalked through the hallways, trying to remember every single day he had lived here- every single moment that had led up to who he was now. But inside his head, the search seemed trivial, like he was doing something wrong. _What do you really need to be looking for, Zuko? _he asked himself, and bit down on his lip, hard enough to taste blood. He was frustrated, and he'd only been in the palace for a couple hours, so far.

The ship ride home had been long and deeply disturbing. He'd stayed in his cabin most of the time, not willing to see anyone, trying to remember what it had been like to be young and carefree. But he was older now, and couldn't feign ignorance anymore- especially not where his little sister was involved. He'd tried to remember everything about their childhood, trying to see where she had strayed into the lion's den and come out with the lion's heart under her skin. It was early, he knew that- sometime around his mother's disappearance, but thinking about that was harder than it had ever been- he knew what was inside Azula, and couldn't guess if Ursa had known, too, or if she'd ignored it.

So he'd wound up wandering the corridors, retracing fond steps and following the echoes of laughter into the heart of his past. The memories of his childhood followed him through the halls, nipping at his hands and beckoning him towards a great hall that he'd run down so many years ago.

He stopped walking, the world silent around him. For just a moment, he let himself stand still and rethink his actions, wondering if this was truly the right path. He remembered the flash of lightning which had severed him from the Avatar's group, but wondered if the boy had survived- the girl Katara, she'd had something that could have kept him alive. He remembered the fear in Iroh's eyes when he looked at his niece, and his orders from the dragon-beast to help Azula. There were so many factors that had brought him to this hall, and he sighed, knowing that he'd been brought here for a reason. Then, he turned to the side and saw the alcove where Azula had taken him that night, when he'd first realized that something was wrong. That was where they had hidden, unable to keep from hearing the arguments of their parents, unable to do anything but watch and wait. He kneeled down, touching the ground and swiping dust up onto his fingers, the only reminder of the years that had passed. Everything in the palace was the same- almost everything, that is.

He had gone to the dining hall, and hadn't heard the laughter of his mother. He had visited the royal gardens, found the bench dirty and unused, the turtle-ducks wary and languid. Curtains swayed in the ballroom, reminding him of graceful parties long ago. Ursa had loved music and happiness, but now, it was all different. The place was silent, clogged too full of the past to utter any sounds of the present.

"Zuko," he heard, and immediately, he tensed. Azula walked up behind him, her head only coming up to his chin. She was so small, and young- it was hard to believe that destiny had taken them so far from each other, and it was almost impossible to understand how something to great and evil was housed in her petite body. he knew that if she'd allow him, he could still pick her up like she weighed nothing- not that he ever would. He couldn't remember the last time he'd touched his sister without intending to hurt her, or stop her from hurting him.

She smiled at him, her eyes slanted and her lips pursed, like she was holding in a secret. He hated it- the expression was too mature for her face. "Shall I show you to your bedroom? You can understand, of course, once you had no need for your room I moved in. And you wouldn't make me move again, would you?" Her eyes softened and she pouted for a moment- every single move was calculated and manipulative, and the knowledge made him feel sick.

He swallowed thickly and shook his head. "No, Azula."

She smiled again, clasping her hands together in front of her and leading him down the hall. "As you can see, this place is the same as it has always been- the only thing to do for fun is terrorizing the maids, but even that has lately reaped less and less benefits. Father has told me not to hurt them anymore, not that I ever have without them deserving it- we're running out of servants, I suppose." She stilled for a moment, then shrugged artificially, not concerned. "No matter. See, Zuko, I don't like having _ugly_ people around me, and all my servants seem to have… accidents." He said nothing, and she continued with a wicked smile. He hadn't missed the way she had looked at him when she'd said the word 'ugly', and he felt anger clawing at him stomach. He fought to contain it. "For example, one girl _accidentally_ got me the wrong color fabric for my robes, and she ended up with a burned scalp- poor dear, she'll never have hair again."

Zuko interrupted her as they drifted around a corner. "You've changed, then, Azula- I can remember when we were young, you wouldn't care if you had soot on your face or a scratch on your arm, as long as you got to brag to Father about how you received it." She looked at him calculatingly, and then shrugged.

"Father doesn't care what injuries I sustain. Only one person cares." Zuko stiffened, and she seemed taken aback at her own words. "Myself, of course," she murmured, and he nodded absently, staring at her eyes and seeing a hollow red tint behind her pupils. She stopped suddenly, staring at the ground with passive eyes.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked her, and she glared at him. He took a step back, because there was nothing human about those crimson eyes.

"Nothing," she spat savagely, turning away from him and shoving a door open on her right, walking into the empty room and ripping open the curtains. Sunlight poured into the chamber, and he recognized it instantly- he'd been given her old room. Everything had been covered with sheets, protecting it from sun and dust, but the tapestries on the walls were bare, the powerful images burned into his memory from hours in this bedroom. "This is where you'll be staying, Zuko. Remember to come to the main hall in a little while for your return announcement- and don't be late." Her words were quick and efficient, and with a flick of her wrist, the bed was uncovered, the red sheet falling fluidly to the ground. She whipped her head around to look at him, the detached, _other_ look in her eyes. "I'll send some of my old, unused servants in to get you into your armor."

She was on her way past him when he grabbed hold of her wrist, yanking her around to face him. The action caught them both off guard, but it was too late to take it back now. She snarled, but he looked deep into her eyes. "Thank you, Azu." His words were firm, but gentle at the same time, and her eyes widened. For just a moment, they were clear, and her fingers twitched. Her childhood name echoed around them for a split second, and then it faded into the air, diluted by the space between them.

Then, she smiled, her eyes fading again, and reached up to pat his cheek patronizingly. "Oh, Zuzu," she drawled, "so sentimental already?" She laughed and yanked her arm away from him with surprising speed, turning on her heel and opening the door.

"And one more thing, Azula," he threw out casually, a determined fire burning in his gut, "you're not the only one who cares about your injuries. I do, too."

Her body tensed, and Azula felt Pon slip away from the emotion, the feeling, away from the sensation that Azula had used to lock her away all those years ago. But as soon as Azula realized what had happened, the demon was back in control, and fire was shooting along every single one of her nerves as she grew even more enraged. She cried out inside her head, but the bird shushed her, screaming. _He does not care! Only I do, only I will ever care! Liar, liar, liar, LIAR! Let me rip him. I will kill him, he tries- he dares to try to take you, but no! I WILL NOT LET HIM! _She screamed, inhumanly terrifying, and Azula shrank back from the pain. Pon suddenly thought of something, and took a deep breath; Azula felt her skin begin to crack and yelled out in pain-

And then Shui, stronger than he had ever been, circled Pon and snapped his jaws together, roaring at her, forcing her back. The heat disappeared from her veins, and Pon retreated into the darkness, blinded by Shui's glowing golden scales. The dragon growled and flashed to Azula, guarding her and shining feeling into her corner. She once again caught the scent of Zuko's mind in his scales, and she reached out to touch him.

Pon moved faster than she had ever done before, and she rammed into Shui, taking him to the ground and wrestling, snapping at his neck until he bit back. She screeched and jumped away, and Azula fought for control of her fingers, her toes, anything. Pon snapped her beak at her and she was forced back, just as Shui stood again.

_Mutiny, _Pon hissed, eyes a deep red, _you betray me after everything I have done for us?_ Shui growled at her. _You are the one who has changed. You almost _killed _her- the one you claim to love so much._ A deep, ringing silence followed his words, and Azula watched to see what happened next, slowly becoming aware that she felt herself fading. The last thing she knew was Pon turning around and leaving them locked in her mind, regaining control of the body and leaving a stinging whisper behind- _Neither of you can be trusted, so from now until the end, neither of you will leave my sight._

Zuko hit the wall as soon as Azula closed the door behind her. He'd seen it, he'd seen the moment when she was herself again, but that damn monster in her mind was strong, and he'd watched it take her over again. _You're doing the right thing, boy, but you must be better than that which you already are. _The dragon caught him by surprise, and he instinctively doubled over, retching as he fought for control of his own head. _Do not fight me! I have but a few moments. Pon is becoming weaker, more unstable. It is key that you undermine her without harming your sister. I must leave._ Abruptly, the world sharpened, and Zuko fell to his knees, clutching his head as a ringing sound filled his ears.

"Agni," he groaned, and heard a knock on the door. He stood up as quickly as possible, watching a girl come in, her hair covering her face as she kneeled before him, holding a bundle in her arms. "Yes?" he asked her, and she told him she was there to help him prepare for his welcoming ceremony. "Very well," he murmured, and she nodded her head, standing up and raising her face to him. He gasped.

A scar ran along the side of her face, twisting her eye into a slit and puckering the skin of her cheekbone. She lowered her gaze almost immediately, and he fought to look away. The words spilled from his mouth without him meaning to. "What happened?" She didn't pretend that she was ignorant; she just came towards him and unfolded the bundle in her arms, showing him finely wrought iron armor.

"Princess Azula was unsatisfied with my work, and this is how she punished me." she said softly, and then beckoned him forward, raising his arms and fastening the armor over his head and onto his shoulders. He looked down into a scar that mirrored his and wondered to himself if his little sister had really meant to give someone the same mark as him. Surely she'd thought about him, and he considered the possibility that deep down inside her, Azula hated him for leaving when she needed him. He'd been forced out, sent to look for the Avatar- sent on a fool's mission- but all the time he'd been kept away, she'd been kept inside. Maybe she scarred others as she wanted to scar him.

The girl finished binding him into his armor silently, then led him through the halls and into the antechamber to the balcony, where Lo and Li were already proclaiming to the nation Azula's successes in Ba Sing Se. Their old voices rang out, each statement being met with a fresh roar of justification from the crowd below them. He felt sick when they mentioned the fall of the Earth Kingdom, remembering his time in captivity with the Water Tribe girl, Katara, and recalling the spirit water she had offered him. The girl had been so full of anger, but it wasn't deep rage like he'd had- it was righteous frustration, concern for her friends. He wondered where she was now, and hoped that whatever happened, she wasn't one of the innocent people the war would kill.

And then, he heard his name, and walked out onto the balcony, hearing a roar of appreciation from the crowd as he was given credit for the Avatar's death. He froze, looking at Azula and noting her satisfied expression, a tremor of caution snaking through his bones. She grinned at him toothily, and he knew suddenly that one thing was very clear.

Whatever was controlling Azula was smart and ruthless- if he wanted to save his sister, he'd have to save himself from her, first.

**Well, that was fun. Please review! Is this story even getting any readers interested? Am I making mistakes, or are the characters wildly wrong and Mary Sue-ish? Let me know!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello, everyone! Sorry about the long periods of time between updates, I don't think I'll ever be the type of person who updates every day. Sorry! Anways. I hope you like this, it's a bit short but I think that's fitting. I said everything I needed to say. Enjoy!**

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The boy was beginning to get annoying.

Every time she wanted to be alone with her prey- with her _baby_- he showed up. Every time she screamed Shui into submission, he was there. Every time her little weakling fought for dominance, he appeared and made it so much harder to regain control. He'd stand there and look at her with pity in those ruined eyes of his, he'd speak softly and try to touch her shoulder or her hair- it was sickening. All she wanted to do was end him, end the pitying touch and the brotherly affection that poured out of his mouth whenever they were alone. He was trying to cure her, but she would not leave- never.

Something needed to be done. She would not let him win, never, never, **NEVER**- wait, she's fine, she's fine. But he needed to go. Something must be done, and quickly, before everything choked and turned to ash.

Zuko knocked on Azula's door, his muscles tense. She didn't answer, but he shoved the door experimentally, and it gave way, having not been closed properly. He squinted, trying to see into the darkness, but there was only a faint light emitting from the other, hidden side of her bed. He heard a gasp and frowned, walking forward towards the light. There was a shadow, a twisted, hunched form, and it was unnerving- he curled his hands into fists, not sure if he wanted to know what was happening out of his sight.

Suddenly, fire erupted in the darkness, orange flames which exploded, unbidden, from his knuckles. He tried to shout, but he was frozen in place, and felt the alien presence of Shui telling him to stay calm. The shock of having his bending used without permission was starling yet brief, and he let himself relax as the fire illuminated the room. It lit up the tapestries on the walls, transforming the smiling pictures into demons with wicked grins. It flickered across the darkness, licking at the ground and chasing away black fantasies.

It showed him his little sister, her lips drawn over her teeth in a grimace, her nails imbedded in her own skin.

"Azula, no!" he yelled, and threw himself at her just as she looked at him, her expression vacant and crazed. She caught his weight with her torso and rolled with him, letting the momentum bring her around until she was on top of him. Red eyes rolled madly in her face, and she brought two fingers slashing down. He blocked them with his arm and felt the skin singe as her blue fire shot past his head. He roared in pain and bucked, throwing her over his head and pinning her arms to the ground. She lifted her feet above her head and slammed her heels together, shooting fire at him from the soles of her bare feet, but he ducked and rolled, popping back up into a crouch, supported by his strong, large hands, and springing at her. Their bodies slammed together and sparks snapped into the air. She shrieked as he once again grabbed her bleeding wrists and sat on her stomach, winding his feet against her kicking legs. She hissed, and her mouth expelled flames. He smelled burning hair and gritted his teeth, securing her hands with one hand and using the other arm against her throat, cutting off the heat building in her neck. She coughed smoke, and shut her eyes, thrashing and howling like a deranged animal.

"Azula, stop! Stop it!" he screamed at her, trying to bring her back to him, but when her eyes opened, the irises were blood red and the whites were stained yellow.

"I am not Azula!" she yelled, her voice hoarse, inhuman. The words shattered the passion within him, leaving only suffocating silence behind. He panted on top of her and she went still, staring at him with hate and disgust. The moment lasted forever, the two siblings staring into each others eyes, unrecognizable and broken. "I am not Azula," she said again, her voice tantalizing and cruel, "and you will not stop me." Her eyes were superior, all knowing, and he bared his teeth savagely. _I know what you are,_ he thought, _you have no advantage._

"Pon," he growled, and the beast gasped with surprise, her body jolting. There was a flicker of gold in her eyes, and he felt the tiniest bit of hope begin to stir in his chest. "I know who you are. I know everything. Let my sister go- no one wants you here, but I want her back. Give Azula back to me." His voice was steel, his fingers were hot as magma, but the demon laughed low in her throat and pursed her lips.

"You wouldn't want what she's become. No one but a mother could love her now- that's what I am, ever since your own breeder left her, poor baby, alone and hurt. No love is stronger than mine- it's fitting really, since nothing is _weaker_ than her." Pon snarled at him, then switched back into the honeyed, poison voice. "I am what makes her strong. I am what makes her human now."

"You're not human!" Zuko growled, and shook her wrists. The girl gasped and her eyes flickered again, and immediately guilt built in his stomach. He couldn't let her go, but he didn't want to hurt her- it was maddening. He hated the beast, but as long as it was inside Azula, he was trapped by his duty to protect her. But how was he supposed to save her when the demon inside her wouldn't let her go? "You're not Azula, you're not human, and I don't give a damn if she's strong or not. I want her back!" he yelled at the sulking girl, and Pon bucked suddenly, trying to free her arms. He squeezed tighter and felt the blood trickle between his fingers, felt the tension is her body fade and return wildly, out of control.

"Fine then!" she spat, her chest heaving, her face flushed, "You want to see your sister?" Pon laughed harshly, her eyes demented, her teeth bared. "I will let you see what she's become, and then you can decide whether or not she's of any worth to you!" Before he could do anything, her eyes closed, and her body went limp. Her tightened his grip again, automatically thinking of a trap, but then her breath began to get faster and he could feel the heat fading from her limbs.

_Someone is here to see you, my little darling- go show him how pitiful you really are._ She didn't have time to do anything at all before she was thrust into the light, and suddenly, everything was too much.

"Azula?" he asked uncertainly, and she gasped, her eyes opening, molten gold swirling around her pupils and filling with tears. He leaned back, loosening his grip on her as tears poured down her cheeks, into the creases of her pained face and over his arm above her throat.

"Zuko, kill me!" she shrieked wildly, her gaze darting around the room. "I don't care anymore, just end it, end it now- it hurts, Zuko, please kill me." Her sobs echoed around him, and her body twitched sporadically. He felt her throat heat up suddenly, and she let out a strangled cry, begging him again. "_Do it now_!"

"I can't Azula, you won't die- stay strong. I'm here, Azu, I'm here." He didn't notice the tears on his own cheeks, he was only aware of his chest being ripped in half by her agony. Her back arched, her eyes widened in fear and she opened her mouth, screaming silently.

"_END IT_!" Her voice blasted through his walls, and he rolled off of her, watching her fall apart in front of him. "I can't do this, Zuko, end it now! I'm weak…" Her voice faded into an agonized scream, and suddenly, her body fell limp again, her eyes stared into his blankly, and blood trickled from her lips.

Pain was everywhere, it was everything. The numbness had controlled her for so long- for the last months, she had felt nothing but Pon's coiled feathers brushing against her skin, she had fought against them and been pushed back, away from the light, away from the heat which the beast controlled. But it was clear now, every emotion was sharp and blinding, and she was no longer used to the feel of reality. Pon was in the back of her mind, cackling and howling madly with mirth, and Zuko's hot fingers were gripping her wrists. She could feel the slick blood from Pon's injuries, her punishments for trying to break control. She could feel the heaviness of gravity weighing her down, and Zuko on top of her.

She begged for release. She begged for death and ignorance and numbness, anything to cure the everything that was torturing her now. But his voice was in her ear. "I know you're weak. I'll be strong for you. Stay alive, Azula- you're my sister. Stay alive, I need you." His dependence was suffocating. She wasn't used to it, she'd forgotten everything about the world she'd left behind. The taste of blood and sulfur was in her mouth, the cold ground was making her back ache and every move she made was full of broken glass.

Zuko lifted her from the ground, her head against his shoulder and her legs draped over his other arm. His hands were tacky with her potent blood, his skin singed by her powerful fire. Everything about her was strong except for her soul, and it destroyed him to see her like that. He tried to reassure her, but as he rocked back and forth, trying to help her without helping Pon, trying to hurt Pon without hurting her, he was lost. His hands stroked her hair as he'd seen Mother do, he stayed away from her wrists, sickened by the red marks his fingers had left. Her sobs quiet, her breathing grew ragged and labored, and suddenly, she stopped. He froze, his fingers tangled in her hair. Heat spread from her cool skin and into the fabric of his clothing, burning away the desperation he felt and leaving behind the hot, cloying sensation of shame.

"No," he murmured, and heard a little chuckle.

"Yes," Pon whispered, and opened her eyes, revealing the red irises he'd come to hate so passionately. "Family bonding time is over, Zuzu. I hope you made the most of that time, because Azula has a new family now, and she no longer needs you." The girl rolled out of his lax arms and sprang to her feet, towering over him, her muscles tensed and her blood shining like a badge of honor. Zuko stayed in his kneeled position, his eyes tortured and his lungs burning.

"You'll never be her true family, Pon. She doesn't belong to you, and she never will."

The bird laughed and simpered. "Well there is no other mother to claim her- especially not the woman who _abandoned_ her and loved you better- she needs someone, and the only one here is me!" She laughed, but her eyes narrowed, and she hunched forward, looking frighteningly feral. "I don't even consider you a threat, Zuko. You are nothing but a worm, a juicy worm that I can't wait to eat." She opened her mouth and snapped at him, then her eyes went blank, she turned and walked away, leaving him kneeling on the ground, his head whirling.

The young man slowly raised his eyes and watched her leave. "You should consider me a threat- I'm not done with you yet," he vowed roughly. And then he stood, following her out of the room smelling of metal and blood, and making his way to the prison, where he knew Uncle was being held.

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